Post by habibidancer on Jul 10, 2011 17:06:51 GMT -5
My father passed away this past wednesday at 1am. He died of cancer in the form of brain tumors. He had fought it since last summer, with a few surgeries and lots of radiation. It was melanoma and until recently there was no chemo treatment for melanoma.
It was the hardest day of my life. His decline was very fast, probably because he wanted it to be. He did not want to linger. Knowing this, my stepmom, myself and my brothers did everything the way he wanted... no life support. Just tried to make his last hours comfortable. It was very difficult though, seeing that dad was clearly dying and was not comfortable even though his brain was not responsive. It was hard for everyone.
Hardest for me though is that I was the one that offered to Reiki him. Normally Reiki is used for healing. If you don't know what Reiki is, it's just "laying on of hands", the Reiki practitioner channels energy (the source of which is the divine, the universe, love, whatever you want to call it) to the recipient. The body of the person receiving the Reiki will use the energy where it is needed. When I Reiki'd my dad, his body took a major step towards death. I had a really hard time with that. Much later, I pointed out that the oxygen tube in his nose was a form of life-support, and should it be there since he didn't want it. So that was turned off and removed. From that point on, though my dad had already been officially "brain dead", his body seemed to relax completely, his breathing and heart calmed. And less than an hour later he passed quietly away.
I was pretty devastated after, and felt awful about the part I played in assisting my dad's passing. I felt guilt and anguish. I worried over using Reiki. On my way home the next day, I stopped by a very good pagan witchy friend's house and talked to her. After a long talk, she told me something that helped me re-frame my experience and change the way I felt about it.
She said, "Michele, you were a death midwife." and then she went on to say, look at the similarities of birth and death. People sit around waiting. The sounds of birth or death make people uncomfortable. Those watching always say, "can't we DO something to make it better?", there is relief when it's all over, and there's always the "what ifs". She reminded me that witches do the things that are hard but need to be done, perhaps because we are more accepting of the cycle of life, perhaps we are more connected to the earth and its cycles. Midwives do the same, they can assist a life coming into the world or leaving it, making suggestions or decisions that need to be made.
I don't want to ever be a death midwife again, but if the Goddess puts me there, I will do it. I post about this because maybe someone will benefit from this way of looking at it, should anyone find themselves in this kind of situation. I didn't want to waste my time on guilts and what ifs, fortunately I had someone near me say what needed said to me.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where being pagan/witch made it easier to deal with your feelings?
It was the hardest day of my life. His decline was very fast, probably because he wanted it to be. He did not want to linger. Knowing this, my stepmom, myself and my brothers did everything the way he wanted... no life support. Just tried to make his last hours comfortable. It was very difficult though, seeing that dad was clearly dying and was not comfortable even though his brain was not responsive. It was hard for everyone.
Hardest for me though is that I was the one that offered to Reiki him. Normally Reiki is used for healing. If you don't know what Reiki is, it's just "laying on of hands", the Reiki practitioner channels energy (the source of which is the divine, the universe, love, whatever you want to call it) to the recipient. The body of the person receiving the Reiki will use the energy where it is needed. When I Reiki'd my dad, his body took a major step towards death. I had a really hard time with that. Much later, I pointed out that the oxygen tube in his nose was a form of life-support, and should it be there since he didn't want it. So that was turned off and removed. From that point on, though my dad had already been officially "brain dead", his body seemed to relax completely, his breathing and heart calmed. And less than an hour later he passed quietly away.
I was pretty devastated after, and felt awful about the part I played in assisting my dad's passing. I felt guilt and anguish. I worried over using Reiki. On my way home the next day, I stopped by a very good pagan witchy friend's house and talked to her. After a long talk, she told me something that helped me re-frame my experience and change the way I felt about it.
She said, "Michele, you were a death midwife." and then she went on to say, look at the similarities of birth and death. People sit around waiting. The sounds of birth or death make people uncomfortable. Those watching always say, "can't we DO something to make it better?", there is relief when it's all over, and there's always the "what ifs". She reminded me that witches do the things that are hard but need to be done, perhaps because we are more accepting of the cycle of life, perhaps we are more connected to the earth and its cycles. Midwives do the same, they can assist a life coming into the world or leaving it, making suggestions or decisions that need to be made.
I don't want to ever be a death midwife again, but if the Goddess puts me there, I will do it. I post about this because maybe someone will benefit from this way of looking at it, should anyone find themselves in this kind of situation. I didn't want to waste my time on guilts and what ifs, fortunately I had someone near me say what needed said to me.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where being pagan/witch made it easier to deal with your feelings?
